ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
