I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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