For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
