Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
