I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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