I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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