i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
