I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
