If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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