Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
