and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
