I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize