covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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