$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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