omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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