JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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