Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize