gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize