It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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