Pants 0. Shit 1.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
