after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
