i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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