guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
