I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
