Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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