I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
