thus making me awesome and them whores
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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