She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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