The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
