I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
