I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
