Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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