barbara walters just said penis...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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