I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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