The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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