Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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