hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you had me at cake vodka
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
