I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
