Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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