then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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