Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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