Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
