Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
dude. I can hear the air.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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