the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
