is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
