you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
