Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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