I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
