Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
