How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
