i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize