just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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