so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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