It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
