omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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