When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
