Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
