did you get engaged???
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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