I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
