Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
