I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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