I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
