I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
